"We're always in the
midst of a chase.

Going after a dream...

Chasing a fantasy...

And making it a

This is what I write

Life is about the chase."

~ Rachelle

The Best of…

On Sunday’s episode of “Chatting with Chase,” I interviewed Todd and Terry, the hilarious guys who have turned a box of romance novels into dating gold on “The Lonesome Losers Show,” which airs Saturday nights on www.readersentertainment.tv. For amusing highlights of the advice they shared, please visit my MySpace blog entry, “Interview with Todd and Terry – The Lonesome Losers” or visit www.BlogTalkRadio.com/chattingwithchase to listen to the interview.

At any rate, some folks were nice enough to send in “worst date” experiences before my show. While some were covered on “Chatting with Chase,” there were some good ones that we did not have time to cover. For example:“… He brought his parents with him. He picked his nose, studied it, then ate it. He had coupons for the meal but still asked for split checks … I told him because of his horrible dating techniques, I am now a lesbian.” ~Sandy

“… Dinner is almost over … he says to me in this very matter-of-fact tone, ‘By the way, did I tell you that I spent two years in prison for almost killing a man?’” ~Vicki

“… guy showed up wearing old ragged jeans and a faded out shirt … He took me through the drive through at Arby’s for dinner … He started driving out of town through the back country … He said he was taking me to see his family’s mountain cabin …” ~Crystal

A while ago, I joined an online dating service. There was this guy who emailed me … his picture showed a nice-looking, tall guy … [on the date] this overweight, short guy rushes toward me, grabs me by the shoulders, and kisses me on the cheek … He told me he lives with his mother and masturbates while looking at Penthouse, but now, he was masturbating while looking at my online pictures.” ~Patricia

I was walking along the marina on a first date when the guy went to hold my hand. Me: Aw, your hands are cold. Him: Yeah, I think all my blood just rushed to my penis.” ~Ann

Now, I think that these are pretty bad. Care to share your worst date?

When my publicist, Victor Gulotta, emailed me to say I was going to be a guest on Playboy Radio, my mouth fell open.“Oh my God, I am so not a Bunny!”

He reassured me. Not to worry, I was going to be a Play Date.

“Oh my God. What’s a Play Date? I’m not a Play Date, either!”

He assured me that he and the producer felt I’d be perfect for the show. And even more good news: 2.5 million listeners.

2.5 million listeners?!

Needless to say, for my first ever radio appearance to be with Playboy, in front of millions of listeners, I was both excited and nervous.

But off to Los Angeles I flew.At the radio station, host Tara Mack and show producer, Kevin Dalton, walked me through the details. There would be rhyming games, guessing games and more, all geared to test the ‘dating’ skills of male callers. Callers would provide answers and I would judge the appeal of the answer to a woman, thereby deciding the caller’s fate: Whether he’d remain on the line and/or win prizes or get disconnected, thereby ending the ‘date.’

Five … four … three … two … one … We’re on the air.

The show is fast-paced, with a Beat the Clock kind of feel. Feeling like Speed Racer, I zipped through the answer to Tara’s question on where I got my ideas for my books, unknowingly racing towards Life’s Most Embarrassing Moment #1.

In the midst of a game where callers had to create unique verses to Roses Are Red, Tara turned to me, “Rachelle, do you know a word that rhymes with ‘poet’?”

I smiled, saw the word ‘Moët’ in my mind, and blurted, “Mow it!”

Oh. My. God. I’d just mispronounced a word that – when pronounced correctly – doesn’t even rhyme with ‘poet’ in front of 2.5 million listeners. My panicked brain searched for a way to save face – like, maybe I could suddenly develop a Southern accent and claim my mispronounciation was due to my accent.

Tara, gracious as well as a radio personality extraordinaire, zoomed in with the save, letting me cop the writer’s block excuse.

Onward to Life’s Most Embarrassing Moment #2.

Determined to redeem myself after the ‘Moët’ debacle, I saw my opportunity. A caller had to rhyme with ‘yellow’ but couldn’t.

“I know!” I said, excitedly. “Roses are red, violets are yellow, when I look at you my legs turn to jello.”

If I had been Tara, I would have rolled my eyes by now. Instead, she gave me a prize that made me laugh. “Congratulations, Rachelle. You’ve won a date with yourself.”

Despite these blunders, I did, indeed have fun. I was able to somewhat coherently state my thoughts on the appeal – or lack thereof – of caller’s statements. And on one of the games where I had to make my ‘date’ guess the word I was thinking of without saying it in order to test his listening skills, I took him to the final round. And watching Tara juggle technology, sound effect prompts, signals from the producer, deliver face-saving comments for me, handle callers, and deliver witty comebacks, all the while being polished, unruffled, and entertaining was a sight to see.

So, many thanks to Victor, Tara, April, and Playboy Radio, for the awesome experience. And special thanks to Kevin and Tee, for giving me a crash tour of the Playboy television studio on the day before a holiday weekend.

If your guy is struggling with what to do for Valentine’s Day, here are five ways he can make your day hot … and fun! Simply print this out, circle the one you want, and give it to him. How easy is that? :-)

1. Tease Her

Send her on a treasure hunt. Give her cards in sealed, numbered envelopes, each containing instructions for the next place to go to find her treasures. Hide gifts in the house. Or have pre-purchased gifts waiting at various stores in a mall. At the end of the hunt, the last envelope should lead her to you, where you’ll be waiting with the best treasure of all.

2. Entice Her

Give her a homework assignment to go to a bookstore, buy a romance book, highlight a scene that appeals to her, and give it to you the weekend before Valentine’s Day. You’ll pick up all the props, set the stage, and put the ball in motion for the two of you to act out her fantasy.

3. Seduce Her

Pretend it’s your first date. Buy her an outfit and lay it on the bed. Write a card telling her to wear it and where to meet you for your very first date. Let the innuendos fly as you get to know each other over dinner at your favorite restaurant – or where you first met, then experience that first thrill of desire with an after-dinner slow dance.

4. Pamper Her

Have a candlelight dinner awaiting her when she gets home. Be there to greet her, dressed to impress, as you remove her coat. Pleasant conversation and teasing glances prevail. Afterwards, run her bath, giving her time to soak while you change clothes – a thong or nothing at all. Then, bathe her, wrap her in a towel, and lead her to bed. Candles, flowers, and soothing music fill the bedroom. Caress her body with edible body dust or the oil from a soy-based massage candle.

5. Entertain Her

Show her a side of you she rarely sees. If your every day look consists of jeans and a t-shirt, don a suit and tie. If you always tell her you love her, it’s time to put it in writing – write a letter telling her all the things you love about her. If you’re a planner, do something spontaneous. If you’re rarely affectionate in public, shower her with affection.

Well, those are my five. Anyone got any other ideas or romantic plans for Valentine’s Day?

Yet again, I was at Starbucks – this time in the financial district of San Francisco – brainstorming the plot of my next book. I’d just reached the part where the hero was showing the heroine various parts of his anatomy, asking her to touch each part, slowing inching toward–

“Excuse me,” said a feminine voice, interrupting me.

I glanced up, suppressing a frown, to face the neatly dressed, dark-haired woman standing in front of me. “Yes?” I replied with a polite smile.

“You look just like the Canadian Governor General from Haiti.”

What? My smile slipped. I felt my mouth drop open.

She smiled hesitantly. “You wouldn’t happen to be Michaelle Jean, would you?”

“Uh … no. Sorry.”

Looking embarrassed, she went on to explain that she worked at a Canadian firm and a photo of Michaelle – which she passed every day – was on the wall.

I’d totally forgotten about the incident, until today. While I was looking at my notes, I saw where I’d scribbled Ms. Jean’s name, which gave me the perfect excuse to procrastinate. Off to the Internet I went, searching for photos of the Canadian Governor General, which prompted me to scour the photos of myself on my laptop for any likeness, which prompted me to remember other Hey, you look just like … incidences.

Three hours later, here are the fruits of my various searches:

Michaelle Jean (left), Rachelle Chase (right). If you look real hard for 30 minutes, letting your eyes dart from photo to photo, you might catch a slight resemblance. I look like Ms. Jean on a bad day.

A couple years ago, a guy in L.A. who was producing his first film saw my headshot on a casting directory and called me.

“Are you interested in playing Condoleezza Rice?” he asked me.

Condoleezza Rice (left), Rachelle Chase (right) This is my headshot that prompted his call.

And here are the celebrities that I’ve been told that I look like over the years …

Tempestt Bledsoe (left), Rachelle Chase (right)

Debbie Allen (left), Rachelle Chase (right)

And here, maybe Debbie Allen (left), Tempestt Bledsoe (middle), and Rachelle Chase (lower right) all look alike. LOL

Okay, I’m done procrastinating … :-)

There are two times in my recent history that I can remember being clueless to the point of an embarrassing ditzy-ness. The first was two years ago, when I joined a singles motorcycle club, despite the fact that I knew nothing about motorcycles or riding – and showed up for my first ride wearing high-heeled sandals and a sleeveless shirt. Can you spell h-u-m-a-n P-o-p-s-i-c-l-e ?

The second was last week while I was writing in the bar at Kincaid’s with my friend, Mary B. Morrison (BTW – Mary just made the New York Times bestsellers list! Woo-hoo!!). Yes, we were writing — sometimes writer’s block demands more than caffeine inhalations to unstop it. Sometimes it requires a crab dip, teriyaki beef, and coconut shrimp sampler, followed by a huge bowl of peach cobbler with ice cream, and a mango mojito chaser, and a fellow writer to listen to me whine about the injustice of deadlines.

So, in between stuffing my face and whining, I’m writing away – or trying to– when a male voice behind me says, “What are you two working on?”

“We’re writers,” I say. I tell him what we’re working on. His friend joins the conversation. Introductions are made – he is Aaron Brooks and his friend is Kent Smith. We all talk about books and writing.

“I’ve written a book, too,” says Aaron.

“Great. What’s it called?” I ask.

“Rise Above,” he says. I learn that the book is about his life and is a motivational tool aimed at youth. I also learn that Aaron and Kent are quarterbacks for the Oakland Raiders. The conversation turns to football, which I know nothing about. I share this ignorance, admitting that I don’t know what, exactly, a quarterback does, and that I used to watch games with my dad as a kid, picking the winning team based on the color of their uniforms.

Yes, sometimes it is best to remain SILENT.

By the time the conversation was over and we each went our separate ways, I can’t say I was much more knowledgeable about football – except for the fact that quarterbacks are nice people.

Photos: (left) Rachelle & Aaron Brooks, (right) Rachelle & Kent Smith


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